Repeat Viewing Review: Jurassic Thomas the Tank Engine

How many times do you watch the same show meant for kids over and over and over? After a while, at least in your head you start to analyze them. Over think them.

I’m creating a new area of Fake Toddler News called the “Repeat Viewing Review.” These will be over the top and kind of stupid.

My first one is Thomas the Tank Engine.

My son LOVES this show. I think he has four different versions of Thomas toys.

So, what is Thomas? British…American? His accent changes somewhere in there. He doesn’t get a new character…he is always Thomas. His accent just changes. It’s like the anti Madonna.

Here is my big thing. These trains act like petty jerks about 90 percent of the time…until they learn their lessons. That’s the last 10 percent of a given episode. What you may or may not notice…while those “cheeky” trains make dumb life choices…there are people in those trains. What are those people doing?? Just sitting there like “do what you want train. I trust your decision. I’m not sure why I do this time but I do.”

The turnover on the island of Modor should be high with all of the people getting canned.

Sir Toppam Hat issues an order. The conductors apparently ignore it and let the trains just go wherever. Fine.

So what is the Hat guy’s deal anyway? Did he see a lucrative business offering with trains…on an island?? The reach of an extensive railroad system’s effectiveness on an island is limited at best.

That leads me to the theory that Sir Toppam Hat is John Hammond’s brother or cousin or something.

You know, the guy from Jurassic Park? He used…DNA? I don’t know. I haven’t thought too far into this theory. Let’s go with magic. He used magic to give these trains life and then created an island for people to go on vacation to watch talking trains be creepy.

Cheeky.

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